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alexstinson

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Anxiety, and perhaps my innocent sense of curiosity, will often question me about how things I do work, as though if I'm unable to answer, than it's like the looney tunes realizing there's no gravity, breaking the reality causing them to fall. I know to some degree, assessing senses or sentiments is important, in order to initiate sight, but the Anxiety takes it too far, indicating what I already sense is being CHALLENGED, unless I assess faster. It doesn't work that way though, humans are complicated, and if they think out the whys they'll discover them, but that doesn't mean that subconscious senses or ideas aren't registering; rather that part of the brain is so deep, it becomes difficult to scope it all and relay it to the more understanding part. Vague senses are a thing, and when you are talking about the ones I have, primarily the ones played with during subjective--how I interpret or partake--experiences, you are just trying to throw me off in a manipulative manner. Just because I can't tell you at the moment why washing the dishes is like going on a road trip, with my fucking headphones--listening to podcasts--that doesn't mean I have to break from what I know is working. It's not like a leap of faith, it's exploiting me with an irrational fear; the fear that my fucking motorcycle won't run, unless I learn exactly how it operates, before starting it. That much isn't necessary during the experiences, and it won't magically destroy said vehicle. It's like, I don't mind having this conversation in the healthy matter, during or after experiences, but just because I don't verbalize something, it doesn't mean I'm not experiencing it or understanding it on some level, or that it won't operate properly. Be a little more patient with me. I like pondering, but I don't have to solve every functionality of my mind and otherwise, before partaking. I don't have to gage the full concept of an activity before jumping in. Tat's insaaane

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Men Inn Black

2 min read

Arrives at Hotel.

Black suited guy at check-in: Welcome to this inconspicuous detour. Can I be of service?

Yeah, I’d like to rent a room?

Guy at check-in: Please sign your name in before you pay, if you use a false name, we’ll find out. Our investigation goes deep.

Okay, there’s my name. Why are you so insistent that I sign my name, why are you acting so menacingly and why is your hotel in the middle of this desert for?

Guy at check-in: Our signed for room agreement states in the book, you agree not to question us.

Okay?

Guy at check-in: It also states should you see any creatures or have any experiences at this resort you cannot explain, you will not speak of them.

What-?

Guy at check-in: You already agreed you wouldn’t question, so I wouldn’t. And I also wouldn’t go onto sharing stories of this resort.

My mouth hung open. I was filled with new anxieties and dread, I stopped from asking how they would get more business for the place if I didn’t share it with people.

Guy at check-in:  (Rings Bell)

Another black suited individual arrives on the scene.

Guy at check-in:  Carry this madam’s bags to her room.

Black suit bellboy: (opens mouth, emits a shrill mechanical shriek. It’s loud and piercing, and it never ended.)

I ran out of the place, abandoning my luggage, I would take my chances on the highway from now on! As I make it to my car, blinding white light flashes, from behind. I turn back, to the direction of the building, it’s gone. A giant sandscape on the side of the road stares back.

If I’ve learned something, it’s that I don’t like vacationing in the desert.
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I met someone today, and at the time I didn't realize that it changed my life. My conversation with the old woman was simple enough, although when I really think about it, there were little important things sprinkled in. I'm not sure what to think, but I have two stories to tell you , the latter of which I'm tempted to just skip to, as it contains more straightforward details, but I need to tell you the first one, as it will make the most sense that way. 

My Childhood Experience

In my childhood, I recall I very much believed in oddities. I, as I lay there trying to sleep, constantly heard doors open and closing. My parents were the only ones who lived in my old house, but they wouldn't compulsively open and slam doors at night, I shouldn't have to explain that. Also, I tried telling them once or twice, and they dismissed it as my childhood imagination. I wanted to, too.

The only time this occurrence was noteworthy, was when I had a head cold, back in December 2003. I've danced around telling this story as a separate tale my whole life, but I mostly credited all I saw with it as the head cold. And, although majoring in English class, I'm not too fond with writing, or storytelling, never seemed like my cup of tea. But now, as I tell the whole story of The Old Woman By The Tree, I'm including all things related. So, now I tell the story of the head cold that night, face that it's a part of all this, and that it really happened.

That night mostly felt like any other. I was sick, and dizzy all day staring at the ceiling, now and again taking disgusting "cherry" flavored medicine and playing video games. My room, looked a lot like a small attic, the wall at the head of my bed caved in, and the ceiling was shorter here, as is the room was very short, at this end, there was a window that overlooked a big backyard. That night, before it got late, I watched the next yard as I did once in a while.

There was a parking lot that had a red car in a sort of driveway. That evening, before bed I watched it in the middle of playing the Playstation 2 Spider-Man. A quick glance and I saw the car rush in, in a tad unrealistic way. It shimmered and parked too fast. When it parked it just stopped, I can't describe it, but it seemed like it it was too instant, like it was never driving it all, instead of turning off in a matter of seconds, or milliseconds, it just stopped. Back then, I chalked it up to head cold. I waited for my neighbor to exit the vehicle, yeah I was nosy, but he never did. I felt a sense of unease, as if I had provoked anger, and he saw me from the car. I turned away and started fighting the Green Goblin, again.

I felt as though he could still see me, watching with resentment. It took a solid twenty minutes of game play, before the unease went away. I got over it, as I finally defeated the goblin the first time. My focus went back to the game. Yes, this is all important, I think so now.

Later at bedtime, I remember it felt easy to sleep. My mom gave me some more medicine, left and as my room was surrounded in darkness and streetlight, I was ready to start sleeping. Or else I would have if I didn't hear the car door slam. I bolted up suddenly alert. My mind raced to the neighbor's car. I took a peak and in the darkness I saw a form zoom quickly through that yard. When it was gone I found myself, still staring at the yard. "Why did he wait so long, to get out of his car?" My mind demanded. He was in that car for hours, and I didn't hear him drive away the car was very loud, would have heard the car drive away. At the time, I remembered that I didn't hear the door slam until now. 

I got back into bed, it being easy to look out the window, as it sat right beside my bed on the right, at face level. I tried not to, and I kept worrying about what I just saw and heard. I calmed down over the next few minutes, and told myself I should try to sleep. I closed my eyes, tried to relax and heard the front door open and close. 

I breathed heavily. My parents were in bed. Someone was in the house. My mind went to, that the door was open, so was it by someone who had a house key? The landlord? What could he have been coming over this late, and he respected our boundaries. Lock picking never crossed my young mind. My bedroom door creaked open, I prepared for my mom to tell me to be quiet and lock the door. Instead I heard a woman's voice I never heard of say, "He's finally come over. Be ready to hear him." Then the door shut. My mind screamed, Is that the wife of the Landlord, or something?! I glance immediately at the door, but it's closed. I'm tempted to rush out to see who the heck that was. But I'm terrified, and I instantly lock the door. I back up toward my bed, not daring to take my eyes off the door. Getting back into bed, I told myself that this wasn't happening, that this was a vivid dream. Or that I woke up as I locked the door. It didn't feel like a transition from dream to reality. 

Suddenly footsteps crept up the stairs. They sounded weird to me, couldn't describe them at the time, but now I'd have to say that the volume seemed sporadic. I stared at the door in disbelief and terror.

The footsteps crept down the halls and I waited for the doorknob to jerk with angry force. My mind went to wondering what I would do if that person broke my door down, and was it my neighbor?! I asked myself, how did my parents not hear this intruder. Then the footsteps stopped outside the door. I watched pensively, waiting for the knob to jerk, the door simply opened.

My mind went into utter shock as I saw that, thoughts didn't come as I watched the- person that entered nonchalantly. I was beyond terror, I was in disbelieving shock. The man, I could make out his features, but the way he moved seemed like he wasn't natural. He resembled a flickering pond. Or buzzing static. He wore leather jacket and had dark holes for eyes. I thought the darkness of my room was covering them, but it just didn't seem like it. 

"I've been meaning to talk to you." He said, simply. Looking at me. I felt shivers go up my spine. "You may not be at fault in being a part of this, but you are and that is all that matters. All that should matter." He appeared to appear the rest of the way in my room rather than step in. And his voice was loud and clear, but I think I heard it in my head. Like a clear memory of what someone else said. I remember most of what he said. I think it's because it was a lot to take in, but I'm beginning to wonder if it's more. 

I wanted to alert my parents, if only by letting out a scream, but I couldn't find my voice. I couldn't do so much as move my mouth, couldn't look away or do anything. 

He talks more of the same, and telling me that he waited to tell me out of some form of sympathy, but said he's not about sympathy. He told me to remember this night, and that although I might have been told sick, it was something that I needed to remember. Suddenly I was alone. I didn't even realize it for a moment. That too was like waking from a dream. Glancing at my doorway. I saw that the door was shut and locked as I left it. I found myself, slowly went toward the window, only to see my usual dark yard, and the neighbors with the car still parked. 

I then worked up the courage to leave my room and tell my Mom and Dad about all of it. I cried and explained in short detail. They assured me that it was a strange nightmare, due to the sickness and medicine. I was timid and I went to bed not really believing my parents so much as what I saw. I remember thinking, ghosts are real. I saw one, and they could visit me anytime, especially my room.

I'm going to continue this journal tomorrow, there's still at least one whole story to tell.

For a few days, after the encounter I kept thinking about what the guy said, the little I could remember. I came up with that he wanted to tell me something, but that was all I could grasp vividly. Everything else fell into a translucent blur. And in a short amount of time, I started to believe less and less of the event and let go whatever my hallucinations told me that night. I also started to believe that all the door opening and slamming was imaginary. By the time I was over it, that day, I remember in daylight watching my neighbor's car in his yard. It looked so normal in the calming sunlight, and it showed me like the neighbor in real life, it was just a normal thing. I looked happily away from the car with that. That did for me, the night of the head cold was imagination running wild. 

Just thought I'd update this old thing for a minute. Apparently the beginning one was not ready to post on Reddit Nosleep. I want to consider rearranging the story, for that site, but I feel accustomed to the presentation as is, here. This one when I finish it will remain the same. Need some steady rewrite for reddit's approval it seems, and I just don't have that energy right now.
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Apparently I have a minor allergy reaction, currently sedated with a medicine I cannot pronounce right, and I suppose I'm moving on up to the east side. Have to return to my Gallbladder medicine eventually, gonna give that shit a few days. Anyway, let's make some memories on this obscure journal site, obscure for now, anymaway.
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Night Drive

3 min read
Went for a night drive for the first time in years. Did that a lot in my teen years. Not sure what brought it back in me, but I think it was a matter of trying to escape. My life had become so empty, it turned into a vacuum that sucked ambition out of me. 

We all have easy escapes that activate motivation and creativity in us all, and finding it could be the easy answer in getting out of depression, despite it taking complex years of therapy for some, I believe it can be as simple as that. 

Mine was night drives, it might have always been. I was crazy imaginative as a kid, and saw the neon lights as gateways to another world.

Taking it in, shouldn't really been put into words, the pleasure of those lights twisting and turning, joining me in the car, acting as sedative friends making all my worries vanish. Comparable to a drizzle rainy day, for those that like rainy days. And rain did make the neon heaven even more beautiful than it was. Favorited something on here a long while ago, that brilliantly used watercolor to illustrate it. That guy knows what I'm talking about. 

Some fear getting lost, my more imaginative side relishes the idea of the maze of store names and other advertisements being everlasting, a moment everlasting, eternal euphoria.

So, as I was saying, I went for a night drive for the first time in years. It relaxed me, had me question why I stopped, and I saw things I'll never forget-

which is precisely why I'll never go again. I never knew I would see things like I saw that night. I anticipated dangerous people at night, but I stayed driving wherever I went, and never left public areas, mostly driving into business streets, as again I love the night light. But there are more things out there than good vibes as you plunge through the night, more things than dangerous people. Seeing them. Seeing their faces, at corners by crosswalks. You try to ignore, but you know they're not natural, and neither are you. Night Drives are done, I wish I was a kid, a tine before they bothered me, and the night light was special before they reared their ugly heads.
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Featured

Men Inn Black by alexstinson, journal

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